i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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