My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
