I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
