Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
