Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
