How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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