Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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