guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
