I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
