You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize