Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
