so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
