woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So squirting runs in the family.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
