Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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