I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
