No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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