you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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