I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
