Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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