I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
