why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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