someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
