A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
