Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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