come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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