Dual....:-)
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
