totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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