You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
