i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
