I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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