Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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