oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize