Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize