I think I won the penis lottery.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
