I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
