I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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