K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
