i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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