ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
