Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
