I'm going to rape someone's good day.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
