I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
