your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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