there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
