i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
