i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
