Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I love you.
Bad choice
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
