Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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