If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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