you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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