Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
