why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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