Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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