The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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