I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
