nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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