He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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