Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
