Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
