Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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