Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize