I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
