WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
