sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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