She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
