I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
