Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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