She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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