Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
