So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
